It’s late at night after a full Thanksgiving Day and I’m tired, but I have thoughts buzzing in my head that I want to capture, sift through.
I tuck Stinkerbell in at night. Why, you may ask. Because my sweet puppy is in fact 14 years old with arthritis on her spine and back legs which are beginning to lose some muscle mass so they get stiff when she's cold. And her bed is located in a garage-secure, cozy, with a big sleeping bag-but none the less a garage. So I tuck her in at night during the winter to make sure that she is completely and properly covered. Most nights this takes 15 minutes or so but tonight I think it took about an hour. She’d crawl under the covers make a u-turn and walk back out. Over and over and over again until I wanted to cry or scream neither of which will convince a Dalmatian to do anything.
And then I wondered; is this how God feels about me at times. I’ve really struggled this week. There are some things I desire for my life that seem more impossible than ever, dreams I believe God has given me. And looking back I feel like I have followed Him to this place and into these circumstances, step by step, which now seem closed in and impossible to escape.
I spent some time tonight just sitting with God, bringing my sad heart to Him. I read over my journal entries for the last couple of months and I was struck by how often I have heard Him say, “Rest in Me.”
Rest in Me.
Over and over again.
In Me, rest.
And I am still struggling, still striving, still unable to settle down because I don’t see the answers coming, because I don’t understand.
Like my Stinkerbell, I keep crawling under the covers momentarily, making a u-turn and popping out of bed, when God is just trying to tuck me in, so that I can rest, in warmth, in safety.
While He handles all that I can not, I want to trust enough to rest.