This week my world got rocked hard core. Pain like I haven’t felt in years. Losing Stinkerbell was excruciating and shocking but I knew where to take my pain: how to deal. Right now, not so sure how to go forward. (By the way if I know you in 3d life, my family is fine, my health is fine but please don’t ask. I really can't talk about it.)
Weather wise I had been complaining about our non-winter following our non-summer. So Cal weather this year has been just plain weird. At the end of this week as my perception of my life seemed to implode winter rolled in.
But totally appropriate to where I am.
I’m too numb to be nurtured by warm days.
I need to see my inside on the outside for a time.
In the midst of this I was scheduled to sing on the worship team for two events (a total of 3 services) this weekend. And I felt so far away from what I was singing.
But there were moments when a lyric lit up
Give me grace to see beyond this moment here
You can turn our tears into songs of praise
And just for a moment, my soul can stand and say,
I want this.
Right now I feel like this applies to other people and not me,
but I want it.
So in winter I will sing.