Monday, February 21, 2011

Wintersong

This week my world got rocked hard core. Pain like I haven’t felt in years. Losing Stinkerbell was excruciating and shocking but I knew where to take my pain: how to deal. Right now, not so sure how to go forward. (By the way if I know you in 3d life, my family is fine, my health is fine but please don’t ask. I really can't talk about it.)

Weather wise I had been complaining about our non-winter following our non-summer. So Cal weather this year has been just plain weird. At the end of this week as my perception of my life seemed to implode winter rolled in.

Barren



and cold.



But totally appropriate to where I am.



I’m too numb to be nurtured by warm days.



I need to see my inside on the outside for a time.



In the midst of this I was scheduled to sing on the worship team for two events (a total of 3 services) this weekend. And I felt so far away from what I was singing.

But there were moments when a lyric lit up


Give me grace to see beyond this moment here
To believe that there is nothing left to fear
And that You alone are high above it all


or this

I will yet praise Him, my great Redeemer
I will yet stand up and give Him glory with my life
He takes my darkness and turns it into light




or even this

You can bear the weight of every heavy heart
You can heal the pain
You can clean the stain
You can turn our tears into songs of praise
 


And just for a moment, my soul can stand and say,

I want this.



Right now I feel like this applies to other people and not me,

but I want it.



So in winter I will sing.


Blog Med Sig 4

4 comments:

Jodi said...

I am so sorry. send you a hug.

keLi said...

these images are beautiful -- beautiful. cling to His beauty when you can't feel his presence -- your camera sees how it surrounds.

Transparent Mama said...

Praying... for... you... my ... friend.

Leslie said...

i'm reading through these posts front to back, so i just realized you had lost your beloved pet. i'm sorry... they are such good friends.

i don't know what you are experiencing, but i can see here that it is hard, and i just want to add my voice to the others here, saying, "i've been in this place, and my heart reaches out to yours in the darkness..."

may you know His light, even in the darkest valley.

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