follow this journey from the beginning
Trust. It’s such a small word and such a big task. I’ve seen God show up, come through for me so many times and yet I often return that point where I have to lay down my expectations, my understanding, even my perception of the world around me and trust Him. Trust that He sees more than I do, knows more than I do and this is the crucial one, loves more than I do. He loves me more than I even love myself. Yet He knows me better too, my strengths and weaknesses, and will stretch me further than I would. It says that He has prepared good works for me long ago. These deeds have the power to change the world, in ways large and in small. But in order to complete this quest I must walk a far more difficult road, this road that He has mapped out for me, than the one I would choose. In fact I would probably choose to simply build my own cozy hobbit hole and tend to the woes of the world only as they happened
to cross my garden path, never venturing out, never building endurance, never gathering resources of character or experience; having a story that is uninspiring and useless to anyone in need. Having no adventures I would never tackle challenges far larger than I can face alone; never find the hidden wounded, the lost and the neglected. If I wrote my own story I would be respectably wasted. But I don’t write it. I follow not a script, but a Beautiful Author, tucking my hand into His and walking alongside Him. That is, on my good days. There are the other days when I drop His hand and stomp my feet in the dust. Sometimes I just sit down in the middle of the road and cry. For the road is too steep, too long and I see no curves on the horizon and I am tired and seem to be getting nowhere and so often new sights just mean new difficulties. In my anger joy flees and the foggy despair sets in, blinding and paralyzing me. I think I get angry because His plan is hard and I can’t stop thinking of the warm hobbit hole life I imagined. In those moments I can see I haven’t fully surrendered and I trust my own understanding over His heart. So what will my life journey look like if I decide to lay down my anger not only for Lent, but after? What if I continue this seeking to have my sight transformed rather than hungering to only change my views? Will I see joy and beauty even in the painful, parched or barren stretches of my path?
hoping and quietly counting,
Hoping with friends, never alone...