Friday, April 15, 2011

Late to Lent: Days 31-32

Three-quarters of the the way through my first Lent, can you believe it?  Check out the beginning here.

Day Thirty-one
I am soooo tired. It’s 9:25 pm (early for me,) I'm struggling to stay awake and only now getting to this journal. I tried reading through this week’s Imperfect Prose, hoping something would inspire me to write but by link 18 my brain shut down and I had no words to comment to a perfectly great post. (Sorry Lori, I’ll return tomorrow when I’m fresher.) That’s pretty much the point when I know to put the blogs away to peruse another day. My day was good and I even took time to start the Gospel of Luke over gluten-free pancakes this morning before rushing out of the house. But as soon as breakfast was done I, finally virus free, took off to my Grams’ house again. I realize most days I process the Lenten season with words on a page, thoughts in my mind, emotions in my heart, and an incredibly slow laptop. But today I celebrated with my hands, wrapping that weird (and unbelievably handy) green packing plastic around precious photos and art,


taping boxes, sloppily writing F-R-A-G-I-L-E over and over again;


with worshiping knees bent on carpet wrestling glass shelves and puzzling frames into boxes with towels for cushioning. A newly learned praise chorus harmony part, needed by next Sunday, hummed through my lips as I offer my oblations in a small suburban living room quickly being stripped of its sweet personality.


And you know what, it’s all good.

 
Day Thirty-two
For the LORD your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

I find it in the last chapter of One Thousand Gifts, this verse that trips me. With eyes suddenly blinded I cannot find my way past it, so I close the book. Why does this verse slice so deep, separating bone from marrow? I read the Twilight books this last year and a bit of fan fiction (keep your guffaws to yourself, please.) Somehow these stories go deep, taking up lodging in me and I wondered why. Protection. There were many times growing up when I did not feel safe, times when I wasn’t safe. So I did what I could to guard myself in my own small way. I became a warrior or I recruited others and asked them to do the impossible task of keeping my heart secure. I tried broken methods in a broken world and they were just broken. This image calls to me, the mighty warrior, the brawny hero looking at me with eyes of adoration calming my fears, luxuriating in my presence with singing. It soothes my heart, even now.

Delight, the word brings me back many years, to early in my time with Stinkerbell. I heard Him whisper, I take delight in you, the same way you delight in her. To some of you that may sound silly, but I understood; He was speaking my language. Then last week I was driving when out of nowhere the loss of her just t-boned me, as grief will and I began to weep. That polka-dotty dog adored me from the moment we met, years before I owned her. For twelve years her eyes lit up when I entered the room. She thought it was always worthwhile to leave a good nap to cuddle with me. She hated watching me cry and would do her best to clean up the tears with rough kisses. And she would have died to protect me. “Lord,” I wailed, “no one will ever again love me the way she did.” And then He said it again, only inverting the idea this time. You are loved that way now. Her love is a mere reflection of my love for you. 
via

And I saw a picture of the moon, the glorious moon which sends thrills down my spine, bathing the night in ethereal light. This beautiful orb, the subject of poets is only a rock hung in the sky. Moonlight a weak image of the strong, ferocious, life-giving light from the sun. Stinkerbell’s brave and beautiful love for me was a mere nightlight to point me back to the source of overwhelming love, still and always mine.

There is more I think, churning in my heart over this verse, but I don’t have words yet to ascribe to the feelings and thoughts there. Cindy at 12 Tribes wrote on it a few months ago and I loved that post enough to print. For now I’m simply going to swaddle my soul  in these words and listen closely for His song.

Blog Med Sig 4

12 comments:

Connie@raise your eyes said...

Know this...you are being prayed for...and GOD Himself intercedes for you...and I pray that your new place to live will quickly become a home.

Jodi said...

Hugs, lovie dear.

Anna said...

I see that you're doing the SSMT-- and so am I (how did you get the pic on your blog, by the way?)-- and I must tell you that verse is one of mine already picked so far this year. Blessings, siesta.

David N. said...

I'm not going to guffaw, as I've read the Twilight books too, but I will take issue with them as a positive example of protection. Edward's treatment of Bella is nothing short of emotional manipulation, control and frankly, abuse. I would love to discuss it further if you're game.

Joybird said...

Hey David, yeah, I'd love to discuss it further. Email me. BTW in some ways I agree with you, but it is not just Edward at play in the book. We can chat more.

happygirl said...

Hi Joybird. It's your friend bappygirl (I missed typed this 4 times because I only know how to type my name) LOVE the worship in the work of packing. I have a recipe from my gramma for some type of bread. Part of it says "knead for 15 Our Fathers." Worship in work was a way of life for her.

patty said...

i think you might be able to write about anything in beautiful language... even suburban living rooms being stipped of their personalities. :)
xo

Tiffini said...

There were many times growing up when I did not feel safe, times when I wasn’t safe. So I did what I could to guard myself in my own small way. I became a warrior or I recruited others and asked them to do the impossible task of keeping my heart secure. I tried broken methods in a broken world and they were just broken....

this was me too. my children and I are getting ready to move the end of next month. I really relate to your words. I am so happy to have found you yesterday:)
xo

Ostriches Look Funny said...

I've always loved that verse. this is so peaceful, this post. I always grumbled my way through packing. Never did I worship on my knees.

becky said...

just a few days to go...

Brian Miller said...

i pray that your new place is a home and warm and safe very soon...packing is such a chore but i am glad you worshipped your way through it...

lori said...

No need to apologize :) I get bleary-eyed, too, from time to time.

I must say that I love what you said about protection. I didn't feel safe growing up. I am drawn to that need, but I run from it as well. I have guarded my heart well. I feel like I've had some sort of light go off in my head after reading this. I've got some thinking to do. Thank you for your words. You write in a lovely way.

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