Monday, May 16, 2011

A Hoarder's Prayer

Dear Jesus,

There is this room in my heart with ______________’s name over the door. I need help. When I’m in here I'm surrounded by festering wounds of rejection and disappointment, empty unmet expectations growing bitterness and resentment, anger and envy, sadness and discouragement. There’s even a self-pity luau raging in the corner over there.

Jesus, I need you to come in here and clean it all out. I’ve tried to do it myself, really I have. But each time I lift one thing up to throw it away anger comes growling over to remind me of how all of this stuff got here in the first place. Then I feel justified in my hurt and I can’t bring myself to toss it out.

And I’ve just got to get rid of this stuff. It stinks and the odor is beginning to permeate my whole heart. And this isn’t just my room. This is the room where ______________ lives in my heart: their guest room. I can’t have a guest room this messy and maintain a clean and honest relationship with them.

I’m sorry for treasuring the hurt and self-righteous resentment. For taking rejection and carefully displaying it, rehashing the grievance tales until it becomes permanent and insurmountable. And I was wrong to try and change ______________ when I need to be the one changing. Jesus, I’m sorry for being mad at you when Your restoration in______________’s life doesn’t look the way I wanted or even seem to include me. I confess that I’m being an envious sibling to Your prodigal child when You are wrapping them in grace that I wanted for myself. Please forgive me for all of this.

And quickly, help! I’m hoarding hurt while I really need your healing. Please scrub this room spic and span. Open the windows wide to let the sweetest room freshener I know fill the place-Your love. Can we repaint their name over the lintel so they know they’re welcome? And will you help me to stock it with gifts just for them? Acceptance, forgiveness, generosity, short hurt memory, long love memory, mercy, peace, grace and joy; I’ll need You to provide. Thank you. Thank you.

Love, Your messy girl,
Blog Med Sig 4




linking for the first time with Jen and friends

19 comments:

tinuviel said...

Wise, healing thoughts. Thank you for opening your struggle toward forgiveness for us to learn, too.

Bristol said...

Mmmm.. beautiful and honest words, as always, Joybird. I love your imagery here; it reminds me of Hind's Feet on the High Places.

I also fall into the habit of "treasuring hurt and self-righteous resentment" and "rehashing the grievance tales until they become permanent and insurmountable." How deeply ingrained those habits become, until we feel like we can't be ourselves without them.

I am praying with you for freedom! And knowing with you that God can breathe new life into those old, rotting places of our hearts. Thanks, always, for sharing!!

Jen said...

This is truly beautiful. God has given you such a gift of unwrapping the hard places. Would you consider linking this up tonight or tomorrow for Soli Deo Gloria? The link opens tonight at 8pm CST at http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com.

I am so one that treasures that self-righteous resentment. Asking the Lord for freedom from that.

happygirl said...

yea, I still have a room like that. Even though I've forgiven, there is a messy room with her name over the door. How did you know this?

stephanie said...

This is such a beautiful picture of the way I know so many of us harbor things in our hearts...thank you...this is so very very beautiful!!!

Courtney said...

So glad to have discovered your beautiful blog through SDG. It feels so fresh and clean here. Maybe your prayer is already working? Its heartfelt quality is touching and something I can relate to.

Vicki said...

Love you Joybird. I am a fan of your honest words...I know God is too.

Tiffini said...

i have a room such as this too...and boy...searching for the words here. It reminds me of the Jesus jail that a counselor taught me. I understand at some level your words:) I pray that this room will be scrubbed spic and span and that He wraps His arms around you today and holds you so close that you know your wrapped in Daddy's arms...xo

Pamela said...

A good reminder to check out what I have been harbouring in the rooms of my heart. Beautifully written.

Blessings,
Pamela

Amy Sullivan said...

Wow, so glad you linked-up today so I could discover your blog. Powerful post. I'm excited to read more.

Nancy said...

Hoarding hurt. Yep, I know that flaw well. Lovely prayer. It really is His work, isn't it? No matter how hard I try, I go back to the hoarding tendencies. May His grace bring healing.

Bev said...

i have rooms like this too, we just have to keep cleaning them up, with god's help!
xo

Lisa notes... said...

"I’m hoarding hurt while I really need your healing."

Wow. I think we all have rooms where that is true. Thanks for pushing us along in spring cleaning...

Jackie said...

How sweet and pleasing is your honesty. I love it. I love the analogy of the room and the spic and span. :) I need spring cleaning every season it seems.

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

It is such a sweet thing to ask God to shine His light on our hidden spaces.

Fondly,
Glenda

Kristin Bridgman said...

How beautifuly written! I've had rooms like that. That's what led me out to the pond where God helped me to clean out those rooms.
Thank you for coming by my place. And I'm so glad to have found your place!
Blessings to you!

mountain mama said...

very beautiful~

Katharine said...

Stopping by from SGD- thankyou!You have no idea how much I needed to read/pray this today.
Blessings!

Linda said...

This is so timely for me. I've been thinking about all of this for some time now. There is one who has hurt me and the ones I love so deeply, and it is so difficult to set aside the resentment,anger and bitterness.
Yet I know this is what I must do. As I have been forgiven.... it pierces my heart.
Thank you for this. It is beautifully written.

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