Judging hearts. I've been judging hearts. I believe we can discern the right and wrong of some actions. God gave us His Bible which lays out some clear directives of what each looks like. But a heart, that’s a different matter. My eyes have no x-rays and I can’t definitively state a motive though I sometimes try. And I have been judging hearts, and I'm a harsh judge. Lately I've spent sometime with someone who makes me uncomfortable. When I am around them the scar tissue from healed soul bruises throbs somewhere deep. And I try to practice the new confident tools of knowing and acting as one accepted and loved exactly as I am, in Him complete. But old survival skills rise to the surface and do battle with new leading to a general sense of disturbance. And this is just what is going in within me. Add that to the awkwardness of a relationship built strained with one who has never offered me acceptance, safety or friendship without stringent terms, choking obligations and expectations I can't meet without surrendering who I am and how He has shaped me. In the subtle withering breezes of a relationship I long to run from/be accepted into I begin to judge a heart that does not pump life in me. Analysis pops up longing to dig deep into a psyche with tainted surface data. I cry out help! And He is there reminding me that I am His beloved. That I can listen without either arguing or accepting what I hear. In fact I can even choose to not ruminate on what was said but quietly accept the differences without taking an inventory of them. I can pray lavish blessing: all that I want, all that is best, for them. And I can release, to you and to Him. Accept. Bless. Release. Repeat.
This season, so much sifting, so much being cleaned out, so grateful for Em and friends to share it with.