Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Judging Hearts

Judging hearts. I've been judging hearts. I believe we can discern the right and wrong of some actions. God gave us His Bible which lays out some clear directives of what each looks like. But a heart, that’s a different matter. My eyes have no x-rays and I can’t definitively state a motive though I sometimes try. And I have been judging hearts, and I'm a harsh judge. Lately I've spent sometime with someone who makes me uncomfortable. When I am around them the scar tissue from healed soul bruises throbs somewhere deep. And I try to practice the new confident tools of knowing and acting as one accepted and loved exactly as I am, in Him complete. But old survival skills rise to the surface and do battle with new leading to a general sense of disturbance. And this is just what is going in within me. Add that to the awkwardness of a relationship built strained with one who has never offered me acceptance, safety or friendship without stringent terms, choking obligations and expectations I can't meet without surrendering who I am and how He has shaped me. In the subtle withering breezes of a relationship I long to run from/be accepted into I begin to judge a heart that does not pump life in me. Analysis pops up longing to dig deep into a psyche with tainted surface data. I cry out help! And He is there reminding me that I am His beloved. That I can listen without either arguing or accepting what I hear. In fact I can even choose to not ruminate on what was said but quietly accept the differences without taking an inventory of them. I can pray lavish blessing: all that I want, all that is best, for them. And I can release, to you and to Him. Accept. Bless. Release. Repeat.
Blog Med Sig 4
This season, so much sifting, so much being cleaned out, so grateful for Em and friends to share it with.


20 comments:

Brian Miller said...

it is hard...balancing our need for acceptance in others...esp in strained relationships...love em any way unconditionally, pray for them and let god do the work...

Kati patrianoceu said...

Oh, I hear you on this sister! Every last word and every last shed and almost-shed tear of it... I wish I had words for you other than that. Sometimes I feel like there is no comfort but to know that by God's grace we will do what we are to do one day at a time. Thanks for sharing so openly :)

tinuviel said...

Someone like that immediately comes to my mind, too. The unhealthy patterns are so long established that there is great inertia fighting against establishing new ones. Christ is stronger. I CAN accept because I am accepted in the Beloved. Thank you for reminding me of a different way to respond.

The Lord bless you, Joybird, and balance the difficult relationship(s) with people who lavish His love on you.

Rambling Heather said...

"My eyes have no x-rays and I can’t definitively state a motive though I sometimes try. And I have been judging hearts, and I'm a harsh judge."

I am so guilty of this, so often. Why is it that the scar tissue holds back at times but then at others throbs with pain? I know your words. My prayer is also to "Accept. Bless. Release. Repeat," wonderful post. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Bev said...

oh, these feelings i know too...god's love and grace is all that breaks us through to the other side...
"quietly accept the differences"...
embrace his truth, you are loved...
xo

Cindy said...

MMMmmmmmm - I know these thoughts, these feelings, too...to judge, and harshly, to want to run, yet longing to be accepted at the same time! And the antidote from Him: Accept. Bless. Release. Repeat...so perfect!

This post is soul poetry!

Anna said...

I hear you, Joybird...practicing that acceptance and knowing of God's love can be battleground for the enemy. I like your plan. "Accept. Bless. Release. Repeat." I love that. Easy enough for me to remember. And like the commenter above said: "soul poetry"!
p.s.- did you get your verse in? :)

Kim Turnage said...

"the scar tissue from healed soul bruises throbs somewhere deep"

I so know that feeling. Thank you for this reminder that He will always remind me I am His.

emily wierenga said...

I can pray lavish blessing: all that I want, all that is best, for them.


i want to do this. i will. i'll join you, dear joy. thank you for the blessing that you are to all of us. xo

happygirl said...

Joybird, sister, I know this affliction all to well. My personality type is sometime nicknamed "the inspector." I notice EVERYTHING and I judge. It is a constant battle to forgive and accept. This is why I'm focusing on gratitude. I need to remember all my blessings and then bless others. It doesn't come naturally to me.

Joy Libby said...

Love your honesty. Seeing ourselves through HIS eyes can be difficult at time. Seeing others the way HE sees them - also challenging!

Mrs. M. said...

Judging in itself is so hard on the one that receives it.

But a heart...now that is a tough one indeed.

How wonderful that He knows it all and offers us His Grace.

Honesty like this is exceptional.

Mrs. M.

"Ima" said...

Thank you for this. I too know the battle in this. The two voices that talk to one another in my head. Which one will win? Thankfully, now, the better one, the healthier one usually does. But sometimes I leave the battle tired.

Erika said...

"He is there reminding me that I am His beloved."

Why is it so easy to forget this?! But when we remember, when we KNOW this, everything...everything...changes. Thank you for these words!

Rachel said...

I was just having this discussion with my son the other day. It is normal for us to judge and I think we will always have some kind of judgement in our minds but the maturing is that we recognize the judging and so we direct our will in another way.

Old Ollie said...

JB - you sure got a great take on things. Amen!

nic said...

so much wisdom and grace here, jb. i love the way your heart both rests in His validation and desires this gift for others.

Michelle DeRusha@Graceful said...

I'm grateful for your honesty here. It's hard, yes, to admit such pain. But you help so many others in your transparency and courage.

herspaciousplace said...

I'm praying for you dear!
Accept. Bless. Release. Repeat. love the mantra...i might steal it ;).


love to you

Bristol @ Diligent Leaves said...

Hi friend.. just sending you a note that you've been on my mind and in my heart lately. I miss reading your beautiful words, and I'm hoping that you're finding rest and healing in your life right now.

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