Ten years ago yesterday I was working with you, one of my best friends. We’d get our exercise walking the trail after work. Once we discovered an owl hidden in the tall eucalyptus. Ten years ago yesterday your parrot, Sammy, would call me names with your voice when I sassed her. Ten years ago yesterday Stinkerbell lived at your house. Ten years ago yesterday I was studying to be a real estate agent and we were going to open a business together. Ten years ago yesterday I lived on my own miles away from where I lay my head tonight. Ten years ago yesterday I planned to go to the beach with you after we prepped the shish kebobs for a leasing event. Ten years ago yesterday you told me how much fun you were having planning dessert for your son’s birthday. Ten years ago yesterday my car broke down and I decided to take it in for repairs rather than go to Costco with you. Ten years ago yesterday I had no idea how in the space of a phone call my whole life could change. Ten years ago yesterday I didn’t know that I should have hugged you goodbye.
Ten years ago today you didn’t come home. You went Home.
Today it feels like forever since I whispered a teary goodbye in a cold hospital room and yet like no time at all. Today it seems normal to not talk with you. Today your dog seems far more mine than she was yours (as I did own her almost twice as long as you.) I loved her so much. I did a good job mothering her. You’d have been proud and perhaps a little surprised. But of course you know that now as Stinkerbell has joined you. After your friendship Bee, she’s the best gift you could have ever given me. I never became a real estate agent. I still like houses but that business only seemed fun working with you. I’m a pretty good cook now (although nowhere near as good as you.) You definitely inspired me. And I found a Philly’s Best near me. I think of you every time I eat a cheese steak. I’ve even been to Philly, at least the airport. I’m still following God the best I can, still making choices that would confuse you if you were here but now probably make more sense to you than to me. I have great friends today; loyal, trustworthy women that you’d like if you met them. I’ve grown up a lot Bee, although it’s hard to see unless you listen closely. But you would have seen it. Sorry, I don’t play the political game any better now than I did before but I’m more comfortable in my own skin and more accepting of other people in theirs. I think that’s probably what you were trying to explain in that last long chat. I hope your men are thriving and
I expect that they are. They’re good guys and you loved them well. Even though I’m sure they’ll always grieve you, I hope their lives are strong and good and filled with love. I pray for them once in a while.
Bee, I know that you are beyond words like happy now. Even this very minute you are relishing every good thing I ever wanted for you and so much more that I can’t even begin to imagine. I guess what I want to say most is thank you for being my friend. I still miss you. I always will. But I will also be forever grateful that you showed me for a little while what it’s like to have a big sister.
Love until we meet again,